I came across an article the other day from the website Psychology Today that made me conclude that I think I am mentally a perfectionist. I by no means am perfect, but my brain seems to be wired this way. As traditionally thought, perfectionists tend to get good grades and that isn’t enough. However, the article goes on to say that a person can be a perfectionist in areas that are important to him/her. (Not that school wasn’t important, just not AS important as other areas in my life.)
Specifically in the article in the section titled ‘Perfectionism and Failure’ , I find myself completely identifying with this fear of risking failure, unwilling to take risks, and stuck as they explain. Perfectionist comes with a connotation that it is a good thing, but I fear that many people don’t realize that this mindset is self-destructive.
I do wonder myself how I became this way. “The final type of parents that convey perfectionism are not perfectionists at all; in fact, they are the antithesis of being perfect.” states the article. This is my family for me. The article goes on to say, “…they are going to make sure their children are perfect!” which in my case, isn’t true. This last mode of thought really never happened to me from my parent/grandparent, however, I do conclude that I came up with that on my own. I used my family as an example of what not to do. Instead, their flaws and poor choices were guidelines, I disliked the path that they were on so much, that I instated this mentality that I would do my absolute darndest to NOT be like them.
The article does suggest a different approach to avoid the pitfall that striving to be perfect, can do.
It is by no means an easy answer. I have high expectations of myself and my co workers / peers. When I fail or mess up I beat myself up. I have a hard time letting it go. I fail myself because I like to think in the areas that are important to me I am really good at and rarely ever make mistakes. When I do it is shocking to me and a big let down. It’s not so easy to ‘just let it roll off your back.’ It isn’t for me. It is so frustrating.
I remember a Sociology class I had with this one professor. I identify with him so much. He stated that there are usually two different type of people out there. (This is kind of difficult to explain, hang in with me here.) There are the people who are really, REALLY good at one, two or even three areas, but really bad at others. Then there are people who don’t have those areas that they just shine in. They are just ‘pretty good’ at a few areas, but in general not really bad in areas either.
Let’s take drawing for an example. There are people who are phenomenal at it, and really bad at say…Math. Then there are people who are really bad at Math but really good doing something else. These are the first type of people he was referring to. The second type, are the people who are not da Vinci, but aren’t necessarily bad at it. However, these people may have a few areas they are decent, pretty good at, but just don’t have that true talent for any one area. My professor self-proclaimed to be apart of this last group as do I.
What, you ask, does this have to do with perfectionist mindset? For me it is a constant feeling of failure because I don’t have that one thing that I am really really good at. I might be a great Mommy, great friend, good wife, good at navigation, etc…but not really good at something like; socialization, creativity, fixing things, growing things, cooking, movies, electionics…you get the picture. I’m not bad at some of those things but don’t have the knack for it. That time old question, ‘What do you want to do when you grow up?’ , has always taunted me because I never found that area. I think I would be good at a few areas, but I don’t think that I have a real gift in any area that would leave me not doubting what I want to do.
Of the many challenges I have, one of the most concern is to not raise my own child to be a perfectionist. I want him to strive to be really good at what ever he wants to do in his life, but I don’t want him to fall into the same trap, the same pitfall that I have. It is a scary thought indeed. I want him so much to have a happy full life and being a perfectionist can really damper his appreciation for this gift that God gives us. It’s my prayer that whomever reads this really thinks about what they expect of themselves, their family, and their friends. I pray that God takes the wheel on this one.




















