Mommy's jibber jabber

This is stick man:

a.k.a. A tongue depressor with a smiley face drawn on it. 

My little man is like white on rice about him.  Seriously, if stick man goes missing, so does the sanity of any adult around my little boy.  Wouldn’t I love to just thank the employee at my mother in law’s doctor’s office who gave him this?  I’m sure they were well-meaning.

Well today, Henry was having a hard time at daycare.  I knew this day was coming.  You know, the one day that your child tells you point-blank, ‘I don’t want to go to daycare!’ and then as you are about leave the water works turns on.  Man, this was hard on both Henry and I.  I wasn’t such a nut job as the first day I had to leave him, but I still felt like I died a little when I did that to him.  Do I regret it?  Good question.  One day sooner or later Henry has to learn how to deal with new situations.  If I wait until he is older, he may not handle it as well.  Yes, as a parent, a small part of my job is to protect him.  That is only in times of need.  More importantly, my job is to help him learn how to be a man on his own one day.  I need to teach him what he needs to know to survive, take care of himself, and flourish.  I’m not doing him any favors by shielding him from this experience.  The earlier he learns certain things, the easier it will be later. 

Parenting isn’t easy.  It isn’t just hugs, kisses, cookies and diaper changes.  It’s the hard crap too.  Like getting him to brush his teeth, fevers, getting him to eat a no thank you bite.  That’s just the stuff at this age.  Fast forward to teenage years and I’ll need a super sized bottle of antacid.

I digress, let’s back up a moment.  So here we are this morning, tears pelting down his cheeks.  He had Teddy, he had Stick Man but by the end of the day Stick Man had gone missing.  (I found out later they had to dispose of him since he could be a choking hazard for other kids.)  My hubby calls me at work frantic that we replace Stick Man otherwise he would be toted away to the loony bin by the time I got home.  Luckily I had access to another one.  He was ecstatic to see him when I pulled him out of my pocket. 

Right now Stick Man goes everywhere; dinner table, bathroom to brush teeth, and yes, he is also tucked in with Henry and Teddy tonight.  Fair warning to any parent with a toddler… forget Toys R Us.  Seriously.  The next time you are taking your little one for check ups just ask for one or two of these bad boys and you’ll save yourself a lot of moo-la. 

See what I mean?

Quick grab Teddy!  The most heart thumping, goose bump raising, chills down your spine, paralyzing figures are raising out of nothingness to terrify a two year old.

Brace yourself folks.

IT’S THE SHADOW! (Dun Dun Daaaaaa) But WAIT!!  What’s THAT?!  It’s a reflection in the shower door. (Aaaaauuuugggggghhhhh!) 

Like duct tape my little boy clings to Mommy, his Teddy and his blanket.  As Mom, it is very difficult to keep a straight serious and clam face when your child starts to try to ‘push’ the shadow off of the wall etc. . .  .   This started about a month ago. However, tonight bath time became nightmare on our street when that darned ole reflection stared right back at him straight in the eye.  (EEEeeekkkk!) Great.  This is just peachy.  Last thing I need is for him to have a reason to not take a bath.  With these newly recognized discoveries I get a lot of, ‘What’s it doing?’ 

How in the world do you explain a reflection and shadows to a two year old?!  I do my best and make light of it but still every night the same stalking shadows reappear to terrorize my little boy.

Well, on the bright side, I get more cuddle time out of this whole phase.  I really can’t complain.

Henry is now at the age that his imagination is starting to creep into his play and thoughts.  It’s a wonderful thing with the exception of the scary noises he hears at night.  At night then it isn’t so great when the wind is howling and we are trying to get him to sleep. 

His imagination is a wonder to watch him develop.  We have had interesting conversations and his imagination transforms toys so that they can do more things.  One example is with his toy cars.  When we play cars with him on the floor we can pretend that when the car parks by the box it is at school and then go to the basket and we are at home etc. . . .  The difference is how he engages in play.  On his own he has driven his car to McDonald’s and ordered a happy meal! 

His imagination is like a new friend he has found.

We have been in practice of washing the little man’s hands especially after dinner and so forth.  Our sinks are high enough that we would have to pick him up and set him on the edge so he can do it.   In order for Henry to do it himself we needed to invest in a duel level step stool for him.  So we set out to get him one on Saturday.   Finally at the fifth store we tried, they had one left!  (You think they would sell them everywhere.  At least I used to see them being sold everywhere.)

At this independent age, he LOVES it.  More specifically, he LOVES to push it to turn on the lights, to climb up and wash and wash and re wash his hands.  We have shown him how to pump the soap to get it out. 

We still have to remind him to rub his hands together because usually he will rinse off one hand before really getting either clean.  Then we have to get him to get down and pull out his hand towel (from his secret special drawer) to dry them off and wipe down the sink and stool.  We are still working on it with him.  I bet he could do this for hours if we let him!

On a side note, this morning before heading off to work Henry asked to have his picture taken with me.  It made me feel good inside.  It’s rare these days to find a picture of us both as I’m usually behind the camera.  Without further ado:

If I may say so myself he is a handsome little boy!

I’m always being surprised on just how much you are growing up my little man. 

Today I watched you scarf down just a little over half of your bagel.  Just days ago you normally would eat just a third.  We stopped off at the doctor’s office this morning to drop off a form to have them fill out.  You were mesmorized by the fish in the fish tank.  Despite the time warnings I gave you, you threw a small tantrum.  I know that I have to try to not laugh when you do this, I know I have to work on that. 

Your vocabulary was just starting to take off with one and two words here and there about a year ago.  Nowadays you talk in sentences.  We have little conversations here and there.  You are growing SO MUCH!  I know I say that all the time, but it is true.  After a few errands we wound down and home and then settled in for a much needed early nap.  You think it is so cool when our cat Abby comes and lays down with you.  I find myself chuckling because of your little mannerisms that I miss during work.  You insist that when I tuck you in you have your Teddy, your car AND your sippy cup under the blanket.  (Which, by the way your toes MUST be tucked under!) 

After your nap today we had a chat about what to eat for lunch.  I was starving and didn’t want to take the time out to make something at home.  Thinking I was being clever I offer to take you to McDonald’s where you *gasp* refused and promptly stated you wanted Subway.  You crack me up with phrases you’ve learned like, ‘Well I guess.’ and your ‘I excited!’ remarks when I suggest we do things.  You surprise me by once in awhile picking up something you have never tried or previously refused and start eating it like green bell peppers or mushrooms.  You also sat in your seat the entire time at Subway and didn’t run around.  You minded me very well when we went to the grocery store making my job stress free.  You were so good I decided that we needed to go to feed the ducks and geese some bread.  You couldn’t wait for us to get there during our short drive.  That moment on the bench for me was priceless.  The excitement all over your face.  The giggles you filled me with when you ate the bread yourself instead of throwing to the birds. 

After, we walked to the playground where you still primarily just walk around and observe the other children.  Eventually I got you to go down the slide.  Again, despite the verbal time warnings, you threw a bigger tantrum when we left.  I heard about it for miles in the car.  The trick to being Mommy is to stay calm in the face of your meltdowns.

We hung out for awhile until Daddy came home and then we got ready for dinner.  Sometimes (with Daddy) you have meltdowns about getting out of the bathtub and brushing your teeth.  Other than that, you feel asleep very quickly.  You are opinionated, talkative, curious, funny, and always making me smile.  Thank you my little man for a good day.

Recession.

I had heard that word a couple of times in High School when studying history or economics.  I had a slight idea of what it meant.  Did I ever think I’d live through one or be affected by it someday.  No.  I can try to explain it so that one day Henry might understand, but really, until you live through it, he may never really know how it can affect you. 

I can only speak on a personal level. 

Many people lose their jobs, struggle consistently, and it seems that everyone is going through one of the darkest times of their lives.  Worries include; feeding their families, affording a place to live, clothes on their back, competition to become employed and many many others. 

First hand I have shed many tears about failing as a provider to my child.  I wondered often how many nights I’d be able to lay my son down in his own bed, in his room and keep that safe and secure feeling for him.  I tore me up worrying about how I’m going to afford clothes that he needed. 

Second, the unspoken effects that a recession has on a marriage threatens its very existence.  It’s hard to not feel resentment or blame.  It’s hard to want to be close when the person you are married to doesn’t seem to be able to contribute to the families finances.  When the working spouse has to support the family with the little supplement of unemployment benefits, it is hard to feel like equals with one another.  I will honestly say that thoughts have crossed my mind about if we would be able to weather the storm of a recession.  It’s so easy to think that if you are with someone else, they might be able to provide better.  Truth is, the recession is everywhere effecting many people. 

I’ve also found both extremes going through a recession.  That is I find either extreme generosity or extreme lack of sympathy because ‘the recession is affecting everyone’ and the attitude is that ‘you’re no different from everyone else so tuffen up, it’s your problem’. 

I’ve had my faith tested because of the recession.  I’d ask myself what I was doing teaching preschool at church when I hardly felt I had any true faith.  Now looking back, I honestly think I just felt numb to letting God in.  I shut down my emotions because I was worn out. 

I also went through denial as well.  I would pretend things were honky dorie just so I wasn’t always being negative and so that I wouldn’t chase people away with my negative attitude.  In denial I wouldn’t make the best financial decisions with the little money we did have.  I would figure it didn’t matter anymore because we are already off bad.  What would one more charge do any different?  That was my attitude.

I know for a fact that Chris’s self esteem was threatened and brought down every time an interview didn’t turn out in employment.  There have been many times he felt he had the job, the interview seemed to go that well.  Men tend to have their self esteem correlated with employment as a contributing member of their family.  With every rejection by email or postcard made it that much more difficult to put on a good front for the next interview. 

I hope that my child(ren) never have to live through it in their life times.  I hope that sharing this however helps them to understand and maybe even appreciate what they do have.

Last Friday at work my co worker tells me I have a personal call.  I pick up the line and say ‘hello’ when my DH hollers ‘I GOT A JOB!!!’.  (There was no ‘hello’, ‘hi’ or ‘how are you’ to be had.)

Well blow my hair back!  It has been the longest 11 months of my life.  For the first time in a very long time I actually felt like a big weight has been lifted.  The air seemed to move a little more easier in and out of my lungs.  Chris starts on Wednesday.  I am nervous for him but very excited.  I pray that this is a good fit for him.

Feelings of hopelessness have long crept in with the sobering thought that Chris finding employment just may never happen.  I know that sounds silly now, but it was so long that I started to believe it to be the truth.  The looming deadline of when his unemployment benefits were to run out threatened us in many ways.  More specifically that we very may well have lost our home.  We have worked so hard just to get here and even though I don’t feel proud about my house, it is still ours.  Now with Chris about to start a new chapter, I’m actually starting to let myself get excited.  I didn’t think I was going to see the bulbs bloom this year that I planted in the fall because we may not have our house.  Now, I will.  That alone nearly moves me to tears.  The only home that Henry knows, he will get to stay in. 

Now my newest anxiety is figuring out day care for Henry.  This is not nearly as stressful as the possibility of loosing our home, but still the task seems daunting to me.  We have now to figure out how to tackle the debt that we are left with from the lack of income from the last year.  Who will take care of Henry?  How can we afford daycare?  My job will work with me a little, but I hate having to keep asking to change my hours.  I am trying to plow through names, rates and keep my worries at bay.  I know we will figure it out.  God has answered our prayers.  He has always taken care of us one way or another. 

For that we are thankful.