Mommy's jibber jabber

I came across an article the other day from the website Psychology Today that made me conclude that I think I am mentally a perfectionist.  I by no means am perfect, but my brain seems to be wired this way.  As traditionally thought, perfectionists tend to get good grades and that isn’t enough.  However, the article goes on to say that a person can be a perfectionist in areas that are important to him/her.  (Not that school wasn’t important, just not AS important as other areas in my life.)

Specifically in the article in the section titled ‘Perfectionism and Failure’ , I find myself completely identifying with this fear of risking failure, unwilling to take risks, and stuck as they explain.  Perfectionist comes with a connotation that it is a good thing, but I fear that many people don’t realize that this mindset is self-destructive.

I do wonder myself how I became this way. “The final type of parents that convey perfectionism are not perfectionists at all; in fact, they are the antithesis of being perfect.” states the article.  This is my family for me.  The article goes on to say, “…they are going to make sure their children are perfect!” which in my case, isn’t true.  This last mode of thought really never happened to me from my parent/grandparent, however, I do conclude that I came up with that on my own.  I used my family as an example of what not to do.  Instead, their flaws and poor choices were guidelines, I disliked the path that they were on so much, that I instated this mentality that I would do my absolute darndest to NOT be like them. 

The article does suggest a different approach to avoid the pitfall that striving to be perfect, can do.

It is by no means an easy answer.  I have high expectations of myself and my co workers / peers.  When I fail or mess up I beat myself up.  I have a hard time letting it go.  I fail myself because I like to think in the areas that are important to me I am really good at and rarely ever make mistakes.  When I do it is shocking to me and a big let down.  It’s not so easy to ‘just let it roll off your back.’  It isn’t for me.  It is so frustrating. 

I remember a Sociology class I had with this one professor.  I identify with him so much.  He stated that there are usually two different type of people out there.  (This is kind of difficult to explain, hang in with me here.)  There are the people who are really, REALLY good at one, two or even three areas, but really bad at others.  Then there are people who don’t have those areas that they just shine in.  They are just ‘pretty good’ at a few areas, but in general not really bad in areas either. 

Let’s take drawing for an example.  There are people who are phenomenal at it, and really bad at say…Math.  Then there are people who are really bad at Math but really good doing something else.  These are the first type of people he was referring to.  The second type, are the people who are not da Vinci, but aren’t necessarily bad at it.  However, these people may have a few areas they are decent, pretty good at, but just don’t have that true talent for any one area.  My professor self-proclaimed to be apart of this last group as do I.

What, you ask, does this have to do with perfectionist mindset?  For me it is a constant feeling of failure because I don’t have that one thing that I am really really good at.  I might be a great Mommy, great friend, good wife, good at navigation, etc…but not really good at something like; socialization, creativity, fixing things, growing things, cooking, movies, electionics…you get the picture.  I’m not bad at some of those things but don’t have the knack for it.  That time old question, ‘What do you want to do when you grow up?’ , has always taunted me because I never found that area.  I think I would be good at a few areas, but I don’t think that I have a real gift in any area that would leave me not doubting what I want to do. 

Of the many challenges I have, one of the most concern is to not raise my own child to be a perfectionist.  I want him to strive to be really good at what ever he wants to do in his life, but I don’t want him to fall into the same trap, the same pitfall that I have.  It is a scary thought indeed.  I want him so much to have a happy full life and being a perfectionist can really damper his appreciation for this gift that God gives us.  It’s my prayer that whomever reads this really thinks about what they expect of themselves, their family, and their friends.  I pray that God takes the wheel on this one.

A little over a week ago Chris and I made the big decision that it was time to convert Henry’s crib into a toddler bed.  Here is a before when he was really tiny:

Not long after he could pull himself to a standing we dropped down the mattress and removed the mobile etc… .  We made the decision not because he could get out, but because he was so close to and we didn’t want him to get hurt.  I was a little anxious about it all, but surprisingly he took to the change very well.  Here is his bed since converting it:

He couldn’t wait to get into his new bed all by himself.  The railing is perfect to keep him from rolling off but he can still get in and out by himself.  Actually it’s quite funny how he flips into it like an acrobat flying into it like there is no tomorrow.  The other day when we woke him up we asked him if he wanted to ‘watch the monkey’ (meaning Curious George) and he said ‘No, I want to sleep in my bed!’  Allll-righty then!  I thought we’d be battling getting him up and out of bed when he was a teenager.  Boy was I wrong.  He loves it so much.  Now the only reminder left of the baby I brought home from the hospital is I’m still changing his diapers and we have out the changing pad.  Otherwise, I hardly know what an infant is!  You have to savor each and every moment.  Love you my dear little man!

Now that Henry is 2, he is really enjoying the big things like birthdays and Halloween.  I can’t wait until Christmas to see how excited he gets.  For Halloween this year Henry was one of his favorite cartoons, Thomas the train!

Here is the link to pictures from the previous two years.  It’s hard to find really cute costumes for boys.  I figure that now before he’s old enough to go trick – or – treating as some ghoul or bloody what-not, I should help him choose fun cute little boy costumes.  At first he was excited to just hold his pumpkin container.  Then when he got treats that was like, THE COOLEST THING EVER!  Then to top it off, we gave him a piece of candy and he was on top of the world and predictably asking for more.  The hardest part was saying no to the question, “More treats?”, and then the little fit after.  We sadly didn’t make it to the Children’s Museum for Trick or Treat street this year because of a miss timed nap and we didn’t make it to the pumpkin patch because all of them froze earlier this season.  Hopefully next year will be better.  I am having so much fun and I’m getting excited about when we will really carve pumpkins and decorate cookies together.  Overall I think he had a really fun day.

Funny how our views are shaped by the way we are raised, what we have or have not, and the little things that change how you feel about your world.  Typically, as I understand it, most school aged kids hate the way new shoes look.  They try to dirty or scuff them up because for some reason there is this negative connotation to it.  I have never understood this.  I remember in High School getting a new pair of shoes and my good friend Lisa would talk about this very thing.  She illuminated me on this common view that even she had, however, I never felt that way.  I don’t pretend to understand this, for in the world I was raised in, I felt very different about it.

I grew up pretty poor.  I wasn’t the fashion chaser (even if I had the ability to, I wasn’t interested).  I was simply excited to just get some new article of clothing.  It didn’t matter really even if it was a plain t-shirt, I was just glad to have something new to wear.  So when I got a new pair of shoes I was quite the opposite from the norm, I tried to keep my shoes as clean and neat looking as possible.  I knew it would be awhile before I got another pair.  I love the clean smell of new shoes, and how they weren’t broken in yet.  Still to this day I appreciate a new pair of boots, sneakers, sandals, or dress shoes.  I always try to get shoes that can be worn with as many of outfits as possible.  Of course, with DH still looking for work, I can’t get any new for myself right now, but when I do, I feel like a million dollars.  I get that way with a new pair of blue jeans too! 

I’m not bad mouthing people who grew up feeling that way, I just had a different view on it all.  I may embarrass my son one day by writing this, but unless you walk in another’s shoes, try on a little empathy, and try to see things their way, you may never understand or grow as a person.  It’s important because in this world we are meant to love one another.  In order to really love someone, you need to understand who they are first.  Walk in another’s footsteps, and your whole view may just change.  In order to be understood, try to understand others.  Perspective, just a little may change you a whole lot.  My new shoes gave me the appreciation for what it took to get them.  It changed my perspective.

We have to work on smiling for the camera.   At home he will smile but  he squints his eyes.  I say,  ”Open your eyes and smile.” but if the eyes are open, the smile doesn’t happen.  That’s okay, we are working on it.  Hopefully in a couple of months we will find time to do a family photo.  It’s almost been 2 years since we did that!

Tonight to accompanying your mashed potatoes, green beans, and cubed steak is a one woman show featuring;  Mommy-falls-of-the-chair with your Lion sized bites, the dancing on a forks steak feet, and the ever so popular ‘don’t eat my green bean nose’ reverse psychology spectacular.  For the encore presentation you get Mommy with a  wash cloth peek-a-boo to grab those chocolate smudges on chins, mouth corners and those sometimes-in-your-hair  disappearing act.  The amazing  Mommy somehow manages to eat the food on her plate, if you don’t watch closely, you’ll miss it!  Past features for the Mommy dinner theater have included; disappearing goldfish-in-your-chili hunt, don’t lick THAT macaroni — hey where’d it go? classic, and smell-this-meatball wonder.  (Not to mention the special musical number ‘I like banana’s” where audience participation is encouraged!) Don’t forget the one bite-of-this for a bite-of-that yummy crescent roll — very convincing indeed!  Special past production guests include; lightning quick Daddy with the napkin (now ya see it, now ya don’t), and wash cloth buddies Ducky and  Froggy with the big plunger kisses that just might wipe away those pudding on your chin blues! 

Warning:  Mommy may collapse post performances on the couch.  Don’t worry, however; little Henry hugs is a good recharge.

As of October 15th, my little boy turned two years old.  I can’t believe it either.  On his birthday we gave him a fire engine.  Instantly he loved it.  It went everywhere. 

During his actual birthday and a few days surrounding it, he was a little under the weather.  With him not feeling so well, and all the birthday plans, blogging was put on the back burner.  On Saturday we celebrated his birthday.  That morning we had his picture taken.  I’ll have to post it later due to scanner/printer issues.  On Saturday afternoon we had his party at the local park.  I’m so thankful the weather cooperated and it was near 70, seasonally high. 

The balloons were a hit right away.  In fact, he didn’t want to put them down when he went to play.  Try explaining to a toddler that you really shouldn’t bring balloons and try the slide.  HA.  Henry’s Nana, Papa, uncle Shane, uncle Ryan, aunt Megan, cousin Cohen, great grandma B and friend Kristen came to celebrate.  Elmo themed cake, Elmo balloons and other festive necessities were sighted under slices of cake, table  etc. 

We practiced blowing out candles before his party.  He does it, but he needs to work on more gusto.

“Mommy, open it!  Mommy, open it!”  This was the first gift he received and he was so excited.  Later at home he gave it a whirl and yep, it’s one of those bang-on-it-till-Mommy-and-Daddy-has-a-headache toy.  Thanks uncle Shane!  No really, he loves it.  He also got many cool things like a Mr Potato Head, clothes, books, toys to help him keep developing his mind and skills and Thomas trains!  He loves the Thomas trains. 

The grand finale: a tricycle with what we are calling his ‘trunk’.

He couldn’t decide on what he liked best, his trains or his new tricycle.  So he put his trains in his trunk and would stop every few feet to check on his trains.

Overall he had a fabulous 2nd birthday party.  We all enjoyed ourselves.  We are so blessed. 

It’s time to haul out the pumpkins and scarecrows!  I love to decorate with these!  Here are my pumpkins:

My MIL had a great idea; after Halloween is over, rotate the pumpkin so his face doesn’t show and it’s still useable through Thanksgiving.  Such a crafty smart gal she is!

Oh, the fun.  (Yes I was able to pose him in the picture.  I know, tricky, tricky Mommy!)

Those were from a few days ago. 

Today we had to break down and get Henry some sneakers.  I was trying to wait until his birthday but his toes wouldn’t cooperate.  We got some Sketchers that light up when he walks.  By the way, where were these nifty shoes when I was growing up?  Seriously people, they need to do adult slippers for the kids in us all!  Hey, who doesn’t need a pair of light up slippers when makin’ trips to the bathroom or calls to the little man’s room in the middle of the night?  Henry never ceases to amaze me.  I said the word ‘Sketchers’ like once and the little man was rattling off in the back seat of the car on the way home, Sketcher this, Sketchers that, etc . . .   . 

PLUS he got new gloves.  This is the BEST thing right now.  He giggles when he gets to touch someone with gloves on their hands or with his new Lightning McQueen gloves and hat.  When we got home from the store I could take off his Sketchers, his hat, his coat, but NOT the gloves.  They only came off when he realized he was having a hard time eating.  I’m surprised that he didn’t go to bed with them on.  Gloves.  Who da thunk it?  Move over flashy light combo mega do-dad toys, a $3 pair of mittens does the trick just fine.  Now if that could only last…  .

In the mornings before I have to go to work I spend a few minutes with Henry on the couch.  He has a sippy cup of milk and some yogurt melts.  We sit together for a little and watch a little bit of Curious George and the beginning of Sid the Science Kid.  On Sid, there are little songs here and there.  At one point in the program Sid goes to school and introduces his friends.  One friend is Gerald.  Gerald says, ” I’m a dancing machine!” and dances.  Yesterday, after this line, Henry turns to me and looks me in the eye and states very seriously, “I a dancing a-shheeen too!”

Classic.

I love these moments.  They are priceless.