Mommy's jibber jabber

Although I do not know who you are or if you will read this, but I want you to know something.  Thank you.

Chris and I are humbled by your generous gift you have given to us.

This year two seperate anonymous people who must be aware of our situation gave us a financial gift this Christmas season.  In addition to this our church also surprised us with a financial gift!  We are overwhelmed at this generosity and love. 

How can we show how much this means to us?  I can only say that things have been really stressful this time of year especially with the end to Chris’s unemployment benefits rapidly approaching.  This is easing some worries and I am overwhelmed at this unexpected surprise.  I am so touched that I’m struggling to keep my eyes dry!   I’m a proud person, I admit, and asking for help is one of the hardest things for me to do.  You have helped give us some hope.

THANK YOU!

The clock is ticking and I think I must be crazy. 

I have invited my side of the family over for dinner on Christmas Eve.  This Christmas is spent primarily with my family and then we will see Chris’s family on Christmas day in the evening. 

Backing up a moment, yes, my family is coming over… to my house. 

What was supposed to be a few of us getting together has exploded to 16 person planned meal and evening.  Crazy?  Absolutely. 

I have to keep assuring my husband that it’s only for a few hours.

Wish me luck!

A parent always dreads the day that they have to take their child to the ER.

I knew it would come eventually, especially having a little boy.  I just didn’t know when or why.

About 4:45pm at work today I received a call from my husband saying that Henry, who was given some coins, swallowed a quarter.  Chris’s back was turned for only a moment.  He could her Henry choking and tried to do the Heimlich maneuver and clear out his mouth/throat.  He called his mom and then 911.  The quarter mustn’t have been lodged very deep inside as he threw it up. 

Needless to say many lessons were learned and relearn today by many. These are not in any particular order.  First, those things don’t go in the mouth, especially when told not to.  Second, you can not turn your back for even a second from a small child.  Third, no matter how verbal a child is, how mature it might make them seem, you have to make judgements based on what they really understand and their age, before gifting them with certain things like coins.  Fourth, have an Emergency Plan in place and the proper order of contact in the event of an Emergency.  Poisson control magnets and stickers are on the refrigerator and phone for that very reason.  Fifth, to be grateful and thankful EVERY SINGLE DAY you have for your family.  Sixth, forgiveness and understanding of essence and what is best all around.  It is what we hope to have from God, in turn he expects us to do the same.  Seventh, the trip to the ER for the other parent is one of the longest drives EVER,  no matter how far you work.  The Kansas drive looks like a piece of cake compared to it. 

The ER was a precautionary trip recommended by poison control to make sure there wasn’t any other coins missed.  An X-ray was taken and all is fine. 

Henry was sure terrified.  He wouldn’t open his mouth for the doctor, the X-ray machine was strange, and he hardly said a peep.  Very opposite for him as he usually will stick his tongue out at you easily, curiosity is his middle name, and he will talk your ear off. 

Other than a scratchy throat and a little shaken by the experience all is well with my little boy. 

I can’t imagine my life without him.  He is my world right now, and is keeping me together.  I can’t get enough of his hugs.  The last thing he said to me before dozing off was “I love you”. 

Thank you God for my little Henry.

Notice at this point there are no videos as I’m missing a cord to hook up my camera to the computer but there is another reason. . . I was stopped in my tracks. . .

A couple of nights ago I was watching some home videos I filmed since Henry was six weeks old.  There is so little time that children are infants.  In the blink of an eye they are walking, talking and throwing tantrums.  I took a lot of footage where Chris was having Henry ‘kick’ a big ball at a few months old.  Henry was smilin’ away and squealing.  To the rest of the world a minute is enough footage to last you forever.  To us, Mommy and Daddy, we can’t get enough even though I filmed a good bit. 

After awhile I woke up from my trance, induced by these videos, and really heard myself talking on film.  FIRST, let me say, my own voice makes me shiver.  (It’s not what I hear, but c’est la vie, right?)  Despite this, the tone of my Mommy voice and what I said has also evolved from then to now. 

I know it may seem impossible, but my voice was even higher than it is now, and a little of cooing ensued.  Enough that I’m surprised a flock of seagulls weren’t perched all along my fence for mating season.  Fast forward to eleven months later and it was slightly lower but when you watch the video long enough, my strict voice kicks on as I warn “NO stairs!”  Fast forward to present-day and my tone is close to my normal speaking but with more inflections.  For instance I will ask, “Did you like the snowman?” 

Of course Henry will answer just as enthusiastically, “Yeah! I liked the snowman.”

I have to be more disciplined in filming.  These days go by too fast.  I try to film even every day things, not just the big moments of a new skill or holidays.  It those everyday moments that sustain me and keep me going.

In the meanwhile I will search for a cord so I can figure out how to put some footage on the blog.

A few days ago Henry and I made a couple of snowmen.  We used what we had; cinnamon dots, straws, pretzels, a couple of scarves, fallen branches and of course snow!

A moment in time where the snowman is bigger than my little man.

*Sigh*

This is a question I ask myself as a blogger.  This can also be applied to everyday life.

My initial response is that I should always be honest.  Afterall, this blog is intended for my child(ren) who may read it one day and learn things about themselves, through experiences or thoughts I have had, and their mother.  However, the very nature of a blog being available on the world-wide web in addition to those who may occasionally stop by to see what we are up to, is continuously something I am conscious about.  Thus, the fear of offending someone especially a friend or family, is present.  Afterall, by making my true feelings known, I leave myself vulnerable.  I sometimes question if I should be honest and truthful about my experiences or feelings.  If I am honest I may change the dynamic of my relationship with my family or friends, and it may not be for the better.  Is it worth the risk? 

Also I have to evaluate the value of sharing my honest feelings or thoughts.  Will it make a difference if I share this?  Will anyone get anything out of my honestly or will I hurt someone badly?

The other thing I have to ask myself is ‘Just how much do I disclose?’ for the very same reasons.

The internal editor is sometimes hard to turn on when I try to be as honest as I can.  This is defiantly a skill worth learning.

Sometimes the truth is hard to hear.  I know that first hand.  Sometimes even when it is spoken/written, it is hard to acknowledge as truth when it is pointed blindly at ourselves.  You can ask any therapist about this one.  It is easier to change ones’ self if we initiate it rather than pointed out to us.   

To turn the tables on myself … Will I want to hear something my son tells me that he has done one day when he is a teenager or an adult that I may not  agree with?  Will I want to hear that he hates everything about me or that I have done for him for one reason or another.  There are so many ‘what if’s’ to ask.  These are tough indeed. 

The only way I can answer any of these questions is by taking them situational.  In addition I have to consider those whom my views or opinions may affect and weigh it against the risk I’m willing to take.  That’s the best advise I can give to my child(ren). 

And on the off-chance a child of mine reads this and wonders what I would prefer… I’m the kind of person who would rather take the honesty and risk being upset than being treated with kid gloves.  I promise, that I will remember how much I love and care first, and listen with an open heart.

Nothing encourages eating like other toddlers!

A few days later we went to Henry’s Great Grandma and Grandpa’s house to visit.  Who could resist ringing some chimes?!

Things us city folk normally don’t see on a daily basis had to be checked out!

Holy Cow!  It’s a…a cow!

Even though seeing chickens are cool, nothin’s cooler than your toddler yelling “bauk-bauk” at them while they run away!

Who is really checking who out?

In the middle of no where, I mean in Kansas, there really isn’t much to do except watch t.v., sit around, wrestle on the floor with Nana… .

Some other favorite shots:

Henry did much better than I expected on the drive to and from Kansas. 

I saw this in Grandma’s flowers and I thought to myself how true it was.

My little boy really has a way to sweeten my sorrows and make me smile.  I thank God for him every night and I look forward to everyday with him.  Little treasures and of course a handful of challenges are nuggets that I will always carry around with me.  I can’t get enough of my time with him. 

Just a couple of weeks ago, only about a month after having his tricycle, Henry knows how to pedal!  He picked it up really quick.  Now, he loves to drive it around the nearby Elementary school.  The only part that isn’t fun for Mommy or Daddy is when he has decided he has had enough, he is tired, he wants to be held, and we end up carrying him AND the tricycle back home.  At least I’m getting a work out. 

It’s amazing how much perspective you gain when you become a parent.  As you grow with your child, you learn how ignorant you were as an adult with out children.  For instance…Henry had his hair cut yesterday by a gal that probably graduated high school on the day Henry was born.  She kept telling him, “Hold still” and “be like a statue”.  Seriously chicka….hold still is not in his vocabulary.  He doesn’t even know what a statue is.  He is still ‘just’ two years old, not two about to turn three! 

For the most part at dinner, I decided awhile ago that I’m making one meal, not two.  For non-parents, I know I thought, ‘well, of course!’ but once I became Mommy / Chef I had conflicting thoughts.  I want my child to eat, and eat well.  I don’t want to fight.  HOWEVER, as a Mommy, those ugly times usually show themselves at the dinner table.  That’s when you have to hold your ground no matter how much those baby blue eyes water and tears roll down their soft checks.  It’s the snap decision in yourself that you have to make; to be a friend, or a parent.  It’s not so easy.  On this side of things, that I understand.   

With Mommyhood came an appreciation for the sacrifices made on my behalf my whole life by those who have cared for me.  I also appreciate the struggles they went through, and how they tried so hard to make my childhood happy.  Even with the littlest of gestures like getting in their car each day and leaving me in the care of another so they can go to their job and make a little money so we could live. 

On another note, we invited my in-laws over yesterday evening to share a meal with us, spend some time, and play a little Wii bowling.  We didn’t have much to give to show them how much we appreciate them, we did the best we could.  Overall, I think it was a good evening.  I love those moments.

I enjoy reading other mommy blogs and I realize a few things about my own.  I realize I’m not the wittiest out there, I don’t have the fancyist blog (I’m still learning), and I really know diddly squat about anything.  I realize with all my posts my child(ren) may get tired of reading me after the third post and these words may be lost forever.  At least I have learned to appreciate the fact that they are there.  After my Mom became mentally ill, she changed so much that the person she was when she passed away wasn’t the same person at all before her illness.  I didn’t have her to teach me some things after the age of 11.  She didn’t remember hardly anything about my childhood, how she met my biological father, she didn’t have any lasting words for me to get to know who she was as an adult.  I hardly knew her.  I wish I had something like this to reflect upon now as an adult.  In at least this, I can leave for mine if something should ever happen to me. 

Finally, we will be heading out to Kansas for Thanksgiving with Chris’s family starting on Wednesday.  I have mixed feelings about it all, but I’m sure everything will turn out well.  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday out of them all.  My enthusiasm is not as great as it was before as my side of the family is spreading out and dwindling down.  I still look forward however to my growing family.  One day I will have a big enough home to host this and I look forward to it.  I always enjoyed the women in the kitchen cooking, the smells, the conversation, the bond, the laughter.  I look forward to being surrounded by all that I love. 

I am very Thankful.

Despite the time Henry had his hearing checked in the hospital (and he passed with flying colors) I sometimes wondered if my son could hear me.  I definitely can hear myself saying at times, “Henry….(no answer)  Henry! (pause) Heeeeennnnnnrrrrrryyyyy!! (a nanosecond look) HENRY!!!!!! (At last, success!)”  It’s funny how after you say nearly any word or name in the English language over and over, that after awhile it sounds like gibberish.   Needless to say, I’ve wondered about the boy’s hearing.  Lately, however, I found out that he can hear perfectly, even the slightest of sound. 

‘How?’ you ask yourself.  Well it is a little secret that I’m going to pass on to you.  Get a pen and write this down.  TRUST ME.

Ready for it?

It’s a magic word(s) that varies per person.  You can even say it ever so quietly and it’s if you have a mega phone strapped to your lips.  For Henry those ’special words’ I found are; chocolate, cookie (He knows before I say the IE part of that word) and mentioning of those toys we bring out on special occasions like Mr. Potato Head.  Tonight there was no asking to put the other toys away more than once.  I told him to do it if he wanted to play with Mr. Potato Head.  I was worried that Aliens took over my son because he moved faster than you can say Zippity Do Da. 

Yep, he hears perfectly well.  Thank-you-very-much!